For all you mommas out there, you know that those last few weeks waiting to go into labor is absolute TORTURE! Your feet are swelled and look more like something out of horror movie than what you once knew, your legs ache, your butt doesn’t fit into any of your pants, you don’t know if your stomach could get any bigger or tighter, your back feels like you have carried 10 children around all day, you can not get comfortable anywhere, sleeping is a joke, sex is impossible, and mentally you are so ticked off at everyone and everything you think you’d be better off alone in the world. And those are just some of the symptoms we have in the last trimester. I am tired of hearing about my size, tired of answering how many weeks I have left, and tired of sharing my body. Yet….I am not totally sure that I am mentally ready to give birth. Isn’t that just the craziest, most absurd, dramatic extreme?! We can be SO tired of being pregnant, yet SO NOT ready to have our babies! I remember feeling the exact same way with my second pregnancy. Noah had started feeding himself and just seemed so much easier than he had ever been and I was about to start all over again. I think of the car ride home from a random store one day, sobbing to my husband that I felt like the world’s most terrible mother because I didn’t know if I wanted to have another baby. Now mind you, I was 37 weeks pregnant so it was almost minutes away, there was no going back, but I had just started to have these thoughts and began to freak out…like seriously, lose it. And of course, the second she arrived I couldn’t possibly have loved something as much as I had loved her at that moment. My life was forever different, and I was madly in love with my Berkie! But as it all started to sink in, it was so overwhelming!
And once again I find myself in that place where physically I want this baby OUT, but mentally I am somewhat ok with him being in there another 9 months. Maybe most of it is because it’s hard to comprehend that I am about to have another child…a real child, as in a human. It will be here because of me…and my husband, can’t forget he played a role in all of this… It’s just hard to grasp. As I write this I find myself looking over at the bassinet and imagining a little bitty newborn wrapped all tight in a blanket sleeping and it stirs an excitement. It’s really about to happen again. There was no turning back the very second it happened, but there is certainly no turning back at this point. In just a couple of weeks our lives will be forever changed once again. Ahhh, Levi, I hope you are prepared for your family…we’re a bunch of doozies…. And I hope I am more prepared than I feel as this given moment. Lord, help me….
