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Do you ever just sit. Just sit and feel guilty about it?

I sit here and think of all the things that need to be done—laundry needs to be folded and put away, Levi’s 6 month pajamas need to be pulled out and the smaller size put away, dishes need to be washed, clothes need to be layed out for tomorrow, bedroom needs straightening up…the list goes on. And those are just the things that need to be done now, tonight. Car needs a bath, inside and out, porch needs painting, garden needs to be planted, utility room needs to be organized, my yard looks terrible and needs major work…ugh! I sit here and I’m exhausted. Kids are finally in bed, I’m worn out yet not tired enough to go to bed, which I need to do since I’m averaging about 5 hours of decent sleep a night. Levi is doing worse waking up for feedings than he did when he was a newborn. If I think about it too much I will get teary eyed. Not because I can’t handle motherhood, because I feel like I’m ok at that. Teary eyed because I feel like I’m not handling my life like it should be handled. Shouldn’t I be able to do all those things and not be tired? Shouldn’t I be able to do those things, cook dinner every night, have a clean house, homeschool my kids, not lose it every 30 minutes on them, have a decent looking yard and still pull myself together to look decent and not be in my pj’s when my husband gets home? Are we as mothers failing if these things aren’t done? Facebook moms tend to make us feel that way right? The mothers who have all that and whose statuses are uplifting and filled with joy and happiness. Some days I want to make my own status: today I don’t like my husband, my kids are getting on my nerves, my house is a mess, I’m dealing with postpartum depression, I’m still in my pj’s and I’m ordering a pizza for dinner because I freaking don’t want to leave this stupid house. Too honest?

Some days I feel like I should be a million times better at my life. Days like today. I sit here and I feel guilty about it. And then I tell myself that I am doing the best I can. Mothers need to just sit. Sitting is good. Sitting strengthens you physically and mentally! And the days that I fail, my kids will forgive me, my husband will forgive me, the day will end and a new one will begin, and I will get another chance to fix all the little things that need “fixin”. That gives me hope.

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